Talking about sexual intimacy in a room of 700 married couples is about as comfortable as walking through a battlefield full of landmines. Yet, that's exactly what my wife Andrea and I do at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember marriage conferences—navigating the delicate dance of discussing physical intimacy without making everyone squirm.
In a world where romance has been hijacked by Netflix's steamy scenes and TikTok's unrealistic expectations, we've discovered something profound: great sex isn't about perfect bodies or acrobatic performances. It's about oneness, vulnerability, and servant-hearted love.
Enter our unexpected hero: an elderly gentleman at our Sioux Falls, South Dakota conference who dropped a truth bomb that would make relationship counselors stand and applaud.
After our talk about married sex, he walked up to me and announced with the confidence of someone who had won the lottery, "I have erectile dysfunction…and now my wife and I are experiencing the best sex in all the years of our marriage."
\Wait, what?
He explained that his prostate cancer diagnosis 8 years ago had forced him to redefine intimacy. No longer could he rely on physical performance, so he learned something revolutionary: sexual intimacy is something deeper and more meaningful than sexual activity.
"I finally learned to think about my wife instead of myself," he said, his eyes twinkling. “How I wished I had learned to serve my wife sexually as a young man.” And just like that, he transformed a potentially embarrassing medical condition into a masterclass on marital love.
I was so moved by his story, I shared it with everyone in the last session. You could feel the room's energy lift. Younger couples, previously lost in the wilderness of unrealistic expectations, suddenly saw a roadmap to deeper intimacy.
After the final session, the man approached me again – this time with his wife. She was smiling from ear to ear. I said, “I hope I didn’t embarrass you by relaying your husband's story to the crowd.” “Oh no”, she said. “I hope our story can inspire these young people to learn to enjoy sex as much as we do.”
The takeaway? Married sex isn't about performance. It's about presence. It's about progressively becoming a servant lover. It’s about deepening sexual intimacy beyond shallow sexual activity.
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